Yes,I know..this is so typically me.Complicating da most simplest things.Q says its cos i happen to have brains(like its by chance).Anyway,what happened today.Noone noticed it.Except me.Even though u were involved u wouldnt know.It hurt.Deep,deep down.Its such a non-significant thing that talking about it is pointless.But it made a difference.

Im tired of making excuses for u.Tired of waiting.Yeah,its all so good.But that thing made me wonder.Q says its just typical behaviour.And i've been thinkin abt this.A LOT.Yeah,I don't really expect you to do anything.Or even know what to do!..But i want you to know.

Im gettin too emotional.When i'm sad..im actually crying..tears falling from my eyes like it were the niagra falls!When im happy,the world is mine to take!Yes, me ..the i-can-shut-all-feeling-when -i-want person.Ive changed.I wanna be indifferent,insensitive agen,i really do.

When you have a really strong emotion,you feel it in ur hands!Sadness,happiness,excitement..or atleast I do.I guess everything is so much at the surface now a days.My hands tremble..they become incapable of doing anything.Its very weird,believe me!And you cant stop.You have to let the feeling fade.Let it out.Cry.Like im doing at the drop of a hat.Or smile.Grin from ear to ear.But im always doing that anyway.

The rushes!!Is that what they call them??..

Im Complicating it all.Like the day i head a headache.But didnt.No..this is different.So differnt.This is like the night i cried myself to sleep.Only,you dont know about that.More excuses for your side.All totally valid.

And no,I dont intend to tell you what that was about.It seems so silly now.But it hurt so much then.So unlike me.Ive never been affected by anything or anyone this way.And Im not sure I like it. I'd rather you never know.I dont want you to know that I could feel the pain in my hands.That everytime I think abt it i get the same feeling.Sometimes its cos im happy.And like right now,when im brooding.

Watching HM3 doesnt make it go away.But i figured out what does,writing about it.Im too tired to write it in a book.That english paper was lengthy.Talking to Q helped too.But i cant talk abt it to you.Cause it would hurt yu to know.And i cant do that.

The other thing.Im happy abt that.So happy that I wanna cry.Or maybe its cos Im really sad.But i want dat to happen.Yea,i do.Of course i do.Wtf is wrong with me??!! Its just that I care.How much?I'd rathernot answer.

Im jsut complicated.Muddling myself.Thinking too much.
Ignorance is bliss.Let me ignore wat happened today then.
No more excuses for you though.I've had enough

They're bursting crackers outside my room in the sky.Those pretty ones.StarburstS.
And im smiling!!!


ps:nik..dont ask cos i cant explain!!