There's something on my mind,
I can't define
It's constant presence
Changing me,my ways
Thoughts forming a maze
That I'm trapped in
Another dead-end
Turn
Another bend
Longing,straining,fumbling..
For respite,some relief
What's left to believe?
Guilty as a thief
Lonely as an outcast
Not wanting company
Falling,falling,falling fast!
Into another dark abyss
What is it I miss?
My moods:like waves
A storm at sea!
Calm and solemn appearing to be
Turbulent currents below
Caught in the undertow..
Nowhere to go
Confront what?
I do not know
This is far from confusion
For I have no choices
I'm not insane
I hear no "voices"
Lost, so lost, in thought
But,I'm not thinking
I'm not drowning
Im sinking!
Into myself.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Suddenly,I find my life's divided into so many little fragments.all frought with their own problems.One is made right and all the rest start cracking.Those fragments may just be pieces of my heart...of me.One piece heals,another is broken,shattered. Yet others are changing in a way that only causes despair.I've been reduce to this.My mind goin through series after serioes of emotions.Mind,not heart.Tears flow in abundance.The smiles seem fake and plastered on.The power to distinguish between real and false is waning.
People,people,people!I don't know what to say,what to do,how to act,what to show,what to hide,what to believe anymore about and around them.I used to.Not anymore...
So many lies:assuring,encouraging,pleasing,lulling into a false sense of security,enveloping the truth like insulation.
Like airbags.Sure,they save your skull from cracking against the dashboard.But,they can also suffocate you.Two sides to every coin..to every face now.And your stuck.Your air supply blocked.Screaming for oxygen.
Screaming for truth.
Wanting the cracked skull and the sweet numbness that follows.
Monday, April 28, 2008
You win some...you lose some!
Well..here we are..a blog post seems called for.
You win.You lose.Life goes on.And you make the best of what you get and what you give.You 'make amends and try to improve'! Wishing things were different never worked.Never will.
Whats meant to be will be.Whats meant to end will end.There's no fighting destiny..you can only tweak it a li'l-by the choices you make.And you've made yours.Perhaps,not willingly.A fork in the road and you choose the path suiting you best.I don't blame you.I would've done the same.You told me earlier,that this would happen,inevitably.And now it has...
It was never my choice to make.
"I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that guy I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on, nothings fine
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn..
So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
It crawled beneath my veins and now
I don't care,
I don't miss him all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, Im torn.."
******((torn-natalie imbruglia)) ******
That was before I knew.Though most of it still holds true..Some days have passed.I thought I would miss you terribly.But I don't. I thought I would be crushed.But,I guess I was prepared for this..it wasn't a zinger.Or maybe its just that you'll never truly be gone.Some friends are freinds for a reason,some for a season,some for a lifetime.It's pretty obvious where you fit in.So we were friends.And it was good.Thats all there is to it.Thats all I'd like to remember..the jokes..the names..the words..the actions..a thing of the past,to be tucked away in my mind. To be looked back upon fondly.No regrets here.A little hurt,maybe. But no regrets.
"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that being a good friend to you
Is what I was tryin' to do"
*******((what hurts the most-rascal flatts))*******
You win.You lose.Life goes on.And you make the best of what you get and what you give.You 'make amends and try to improve'! Wishing things were different never worked.Never will.
Whats meant to be will be.Whats meant to end will end.There's no fighting destiny..you can only tweak it a li'l-by the choices you make.And you've made yours.Perhaps,not willingly.A fork in the road and you choose the path suiting you best.I don't blame you.I would've done the same.You told me earlier,that this would happen,inevitably.And now it has...
It was never my choice to make.
"I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that guy I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on, nothings fine
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn..
So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
It crawled beneath my veins and now
I don't care,
I don't miss him all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, Im torn.."
******((torn-natalie imbruglia)) ******
That was before I knew.Though most of it still holds true..Some days have passed.I thought I would miss you terribly.But I don't. I thought I would be crushed.But,I guess I was prepared for this..it wasn't a zinger.Or maybe its just that you'll never truly be gone.Some friends are freinds for a reason,some for a season,some for a lifetime.It's pretty obvious where you fit in.So we were friends.And it was good.Thats all there is to it.Thats all I'd like to remember..the jokes..the names..the words..the actions..a thing of the past,to be tucked away in my mind. To be looked back upon fondly.No regrets here.A little hurt,maybe. But no regrets.
"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that being a good friend to you
Is what I was tryin' to do"
*******((what hurts the most-rascal flatts))*******
Sunday, April 13, 2008
That is how it was.Then.(( this is how it is.now.))
Reaching out..unsure of what to do..
Where do I stand and where are you?
Why do i even care at all?
Our shoulders pushed against teh wall
Definitely up in arms
Still,somehow,meaning no harm
And now im going back on my word
Typed taglines,not pen,nor sword
Betraying myself..what is worse?
Melodrama seems my curse.
Hate and pity and concern
Mixed and taunting at evry turn,
Silence demanded,questions strain.
Amends attempted,all in vain.
Knowing,wanting perhaps to soothe,
Keeping distance,not a fool.
And so it goes on and on...
Minds confused,loyalties torn.
Where do I stand and where are you?
Why do i even care at all?
Our shoulders pushed against teh wall
Definitely up in arms
Still,somehow,meaning no harm
And now im going back on my word
Typed taglines,not pen,nor sword
Betraying myself..what is worse?
Melodrama seems my curse.
Hate and pity and concern
Mixed and taunting at evry turn,
Silence demanded,questions strain.
Amends attempted,all in vain.
Knowing,wanting perhaps to soothe,
Keeping distance,not a fool.
And so it goes on and on...
Minds confused,loyalties torn.
Friday, February 29, 2008
In conclusion..
I found myself in a very insighful mood today.Yea,a whole day lazing,great music,a long shower,a painkiller and roasted marshmellows(heart-shaped..*rolls eyes*) apparently do that to me..So here's what I came up with..sudden realisations,my own beliefs,things I know by experience(others and my own),and astute observations.
*Karma works!.Always,maybe not immediately but things have a way of catching up with you.So be good!!
*That George was right all along.I was destined to break hearts.(And in retrospect mess with minds)
*That people pretend for no apparent reason.Posers all around.Mostly pretending to like someone they absolutely loath.
*That I should avoid carrying drinks/icecream as much as possible when I'm around Yohann.(It sinply spells bad news for good tops/shoes/pants/bags/surfaces...):D
*That complex is what I am,and complicated is how I really prefer life to be.
*That nice guys may finish last,but they always win the best trophies.
*That I think like a male.No kidding!
*The fact that Bombay(now Mumbai>argh<) is becoming more and more unsafe for women is freaking me out!
*I'm a true aquarian..in every way.
*Noone,absolutely noone, is perfect.And to be perfect is quite boring anyway.
*The people who often say "I'm bored" are 99% of teh time completely bored with themselves!!(and are also major bores around whom boredom hangs like moisture in clouds(damn.,wat a crappy line!))
*Comparing yourself to people is the best way to get yourself down.Everyone is unique and though they may seem to have it all or nothing,each person does have gr8 and absolutely cringe-worthy things about them.In the end,we're all equal..really..
*That waiting sucks! But,it also makes what you waited for that much better.(Liable to various exceptions..)
*That I seriously wanna slap all the men involved in eve-teasing especially those sick bastards who hang out ove trains and holler at girls,or move around crowded areas just waiting for a chance to grope someone.Ofcourse,the people involved in rape and more serious crimes deserve to die.And also it makes me consider most men as absolute scum.
*St.Xaviers is the one place I've always wanted to be.And I'm soooo glad I made it.
*Voveron does work(eventually),but chocolate is a godsend!..
*I can love like mad...and hate like poison!!(courtesy-als)
*That I'm hardly ever in touch with whats happening in teh world at large.I'm getting limited to m own immediate circle of friends/surroundings...and lack of information is causing the nuerons in my brain to literally die!
*I say way too much 'shit' and 'bitch'..and stay quiet when i really need to scream!
*That when a song is tuck in your head,the only thing you can do is sing it till your done,or find it and keep playing it(that way atleats others do not have t bear you singing!)..or distract yourself with another song.
*Most guys are born dumb,(could mean a variety of things..acc to situations) remain dumb, and die dumb!
*That being respected is better than being liked.And respect has to be earned,not demanded.
*That though I'm extremely indecisive,once I've made up my mind..I tend to stick to my decision.
*I do not ahve good 'people' skills...or rather 'keeping in contact' with ppl skills.Out of sight generally means out of mind.
*I get jealous easily but can admire just as easliy.
*That I don't really care what people think or say.
*My body is mine and I like it!
*That insecure is what I used to be. But I still am shy.
*Respecting women is a sure sign of a gentleman.
*I don't wanna prove that women are better than men,I believe that both sexes are equal.
*That in the end,I don't regret much in my life.Hardly anything,infact.Everything has made me what I am today.Which isn't bad..:P
*I'm totally against cruelty towards animals.And poaching.And believing that man is better.
*I can forgive easily.But forgetting is not on my agenda.
*I hate close-mindedness(.Live and let live.To each,their own.)And hypocrites.
*I LOVE BLUE!!!
*Karma works!.Always,maybe not immediately but things have a way of catching up with you.So be good!!
*That George was right all along.I was destined to break hearts.(And in retrospect mess with minds)
*That people pretend for no apparent reason.Posers all around.Mostly pretending to like someone they absolutely loath.
*That I should avoid carrying drinks/icecream as much as possible when I'm around Yohann.(It sinply spells bad news for good tops/shoes/pants/bags/surfaces...):D
*That complex is what I am,and complicated is how I really prefer life to be.
*That nice guys may finish last,but they always win the best trophies.
*That I think like a male.No kidding!
*The fact that Bombay(now Mumbai>argh<) is becoming more and more unsafe for women is freaking me out!
*I'm a true aquarian..in every way.
*Noone,absolutely noone, is perfect.And to be perfect is quite boring anyway.
*The people who often say "I'm bored" are 99% of teh time completely bored with themselves!!(and are also major bores around whom boredom hangs like moisture in clouds(damn.,wat a crappy line!))
*Comparing yourself to people is the best way to get yourself down.Everyone is unique and though they may seem to have it all or nothing,each person does have gr8 and absolutely cringe-worthy things about them.In the end,we're all equal..really..
*That waiting sucks! But,it also makes what you waited for that much better.(Liable to various exceptions..)
*That I seriously wanna slap all the men involved in eve-teasing especially those sick bastards who hang out ove trains and holler at girls,or move around crowded areas just waiting for a chance to grope someone.Ofcourse,the people involved in rape and more serious crimes deserve to die.And also it makes me consider most men as absolute scum.
*St.Xaviers is the one place I've always wanted to be.And I'm soooo glad I made it.
*Voveron does work(eventually),but chocolate is a godsend!..
*I can love like mad...and hate like poison!!(courtesy-als)
*That I'm hardly ever in touch with whats happening in teh world at large.I'm getting limited to m own immediate circle of friends/surroundings...and lack of information is causing the nuerons in my brain to literally die!
*I say way too much 'shit' and 'bitch'..and stay quiet when i really need to scream!
*That when a song is tuck in your head,the only thing you can do is sing it till your done,or find it and keep playing it(that way atleats others do not have t bear you singing!)..or distract yourself with another song.
*Most guys are born dumb,(could mean a variety of things..acc to situations) remain dumb, and die dumb!
*That being respected is better than being liked.And respect has to be earned,not demanded.
*That though I'm extremely indecisive,once I've made up my mind..I tend to stick to my decision.
*I do not ahve good 'people' skills...or rather 'keeping in contact' with ppl skills.Out of sight generally means out of mind.
*I get jealous easily but can admire just as easliy.
*That I don't really care what people think or say.
*My body is mine and I like it!
*That insecure is what I used to be. But I still am shy.
*Respecting women is a sure sign of a gentleman.
*I don't wanna prove that women are better than men,I believe that both sexes are equal.
*That in the end,I don't regret much in my life.Hardly anything,infact.Everything has made me what I am today.Which isn't bad..:P
*I'm totally against cruelty towards animals.And poaching.And believing that man is better.
*I can forgive easily.But forgetting is not on my agenda.
*I hate close-mindedness(.Live and let live.To each,their own.)And hypocrites.
*I LOVE BLUE!!!
More Random Verses...
Another twist
Another turn,
Another lesson,
To be learnt.
A broken heart,
A wounded knee,
A chance to be:
Healed and free.
*****
So surreal,
I cannot believe
the truth.It hurts,
What a surprise:
My love is cursed!
Ev'ryone thought,
He loved me true.
But I love him,
And he does not..
The pain I gave,
Now I begot.
*****
The light of:
A thousand stars,
Speckled skies,
Bright red mars.
Reflected in your
Minds eye..
Not love,nay!
But another prize.
*****
Bliss comes wearily,
Clothed in haze,
Never found fleeting,
Lost in a daze.
*****
Love mocks the feeble,
Ransoms the brave,
Shows most willingly:
A path to the grave.
*****
Hurt lingers forever,
Gnaws at a soul,
Perhaps,never revealed,
For eternity,untold.
*****
No light on the path,
Called lonliness.
No hurt on the path,
Called hate.
What pain in the hearts,
Of those who love!
What plight of those,
Who care!
*****
Be wary of flattery,
Be thankful of praise,
To know the difference,
Seek the speakers gaze!
*****
Another turn,
Another lesson,
To be learnt.
A broken heart,
A wounded knee,
A chance to be:
Healed and free.
*****
So surreal,
I cannot believe
the truth.It hurts,
What a surprise:
My love is cursed!
Ev'ryone thought,
He loved me true.
But I love him,
And he does not..
The pain I gave,
Now I begot.
*****
The light of:
A thousand stars,
Speckled skies,
Bright red mars.
Reflected in your
Minds eye..
Not love,nay!
But another prize.
*****
Bliss comes wearily,
Clothed in haze,
Never found fleeting,
Lost in a daze.
*****
Love mocks the feeble,
Ransoms the brave,
Shows most willingly:
A path to the grave.
*****
Hurt lingers forever,
Gnaws at a soul,
Perhaps,never revealed,
For eternity,untold.
*****
No light on the path,
Called lonliness.
No hurt on the path,
Called hate.
What pain in the hearts,
Of those who love!
What plight of those,
Who care!
*****
Be wary of flattery,
Be thankful of praise,
To know the difference,
Seek the speakers gaze!
*****
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I don't give a damn!!
"I Don't Give A Damn" -Avril Lavigne
(her songs are made for all life situations somehow..!!)
To:that intruder...
Everytime you go away
It actually kinda makes my day
Everytime you leave
You slam the door
You pick your words so carefully
You hate to think you're hurting me
You leave me laughing on
The floor
Cause I don't give it up, I don't give a damn
What you say about that
You know I won't give it up, I don't give a damn
What you say about that
You know I'm not gonna cry,
about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that!!
You went to all your friends to brag
Guys are always such a drag
Don't you know the reason that I talked to you was to say goodbye
Cause I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that
Hanging hanging out,
I am simplyHanging hanging out,
I am simplyHanging
Don't you know that I...
I don't give a damn about you
I won't give it up not for you
I don't give a damn about you
I won't give it up not for you
I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that
I don't give it upI don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I don't give it upI don't give a damn
what you say about that
I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that??
You think I fell for dat farce??I know exactly what lies behind dat polite,nice,innocent behaviour you show...only to me.And the lies!The pretending!The nonchalance!
I hate it all..and you..for being a hypocrite..for wrecking my peace..for trying to cause trouble..making all dese divisions..hurting ppl close to me...ahven't you ha denough already??
Give up..cos I ain't giving in!!
(her songs are made for all life situations somehow..!!)
To:that intruder...
Everytime you go away
It actually kinda makes my day
Everytime you leave
You slam the door
You pick your words so carefully
You hate to think you're hurting me
You leave me laughing on
The floor
Cause I don't give it up, I don't give a damn
What you say about that
You know I won't give it up, I don't give a damn
What you say about that
You know I'm not gonna cry,
about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that!!
You went to all your friends to brag
Guys are always such a drag
Don't you know the reason that I talked to you was to say goodbye
Cause I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that
Hanging hanging out,
I am simplyHanging hanging out,
I am simplyHanging
Don't you know that I...
I don't give a damn about you
I won't give it up not for you
I don't give a damn about you
I won't give it up not for you
I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that
I don't give it upI don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I don't give it upI don't give a damn
what you say about that
I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that
You know I won't give it up
I don't give a damn
what you say about that??
You think I fell for dat farce??I know exactly what lies behind dat polite,nice,innocent behaviour you show...only to me.And the lies!The pretending!The nonchalance!
I hate it all..and you..for being a hypocrite..for wrecking my peace..for trying to cause trouble..making all dese divisions..hurting ppl close to me...ahven't you ha denough already??
Give up..cos I ain't giving in!!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
.....
| The ceiling crumbling..the walls tumbling.In on us.You and me.And what we used to be.What we are now.The floors given way.Falling..falling..falling.. OUT!.. Too much love all around.Making me sick.Valentines day and cheesy lines.Freaking hearts everywhere..and I mean everywhere.Red and pink ad pink and pink.stinks! Blue valentines...much better.. .Shiv sena spoiling evryones fun.Run,run run. a new couple..hope it all goes well with them kids..*Sigh* |
Friday, February 8, 2008
Twists n Trust
Everyone.Someone.Anyone.Noone.The best soaps on tv are no match for whats happening rigth now.Ok..they do have more violence,sex and scandals that have greater impact.But still,this is pure drama.Authentic.Life (others' right now..thankfully) with all its ups and downs and surprises.Wondering if they've all gone of their rockers.Heartbreak,heartache and the like...friends and foes..stabs in teh back..strange alliances..confidantes..and confidences betrayed...mind games... another teen tragedy?...love..and exams!!...lol... ********* Trust..I know now,for certain who I can.Loose lips and two faces.Hidden agendas.Wolves in sheeps clothing.Some I had the foresight..some I had the experience, not to trust.Others still..been let down.Maybe it was hard for you..That's what they all say. In that case,you win some,you lose some. This time:you've lost my trust! Again..and again..and today,yet again.Well..this was the last straw. Been betrayed.I was right then.Before.Not knowing you.Sensing something was amiss.Well..now I know.And how.Betrayal:hurtful..especially when I realise how much I really care.Cared. Just wanna save her from getting hurt too.But I know you wont.Or atleast I think you do... |
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Unnoticed stupidity
There she goes..'The Enlightened Soul' Ha! Screaming like a child,oh the most sophisticate dword of course-FUCK! Honestly,how the mighty have fallen!
The same user of words like 'laconic' and knower of 'Asamov' facts..(His autobiography was twice the length of the history of the world,if you musy know!) is now at this level.Q tells me she's alreday engaged.No,not liek those silly underage arranged marriages.A proper boyfriend in love proposal.Lord!..and she's supposed to be smart!In conclusion,may I also scream about the dropping standards of teen intelligence??..Ah-FUCK!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Trouble and Tears
All I can feel..
Is this even real?
When did life get so hard?
The pain echoes deep.
Making you weak.
Like an open wound,
Pricked by glass shards.
Picking up the pieces,
Of what you left behind.
Shattered and scattered
Like my messed up mind.
I want: the answers,
To questions unknown.
Perfect abandon,
Some time on my own.
So swiftly things changing,
No stone left unturnd.
Wholely affecting,
Whatever we yearned.
Like the epicentre,
Of an earthquake benign,
Too many stories.
Too little signs.
Is this even real?
When did life get so hard?
The pain echoes deep.
Making you weak.
Like an open wound,
Pricked by glass shards.
Picking up the pieces,
Of what you left behind.
Shattered and scattered
Like my messed up mind.
I want: the answers,
To questions unknown.
Perfect abandon,
Some time on my own.
So swiftly things changing,
No stone left unturnd.
Wholely affecting,
Whatever we yearned.
Like the epicentre,
Of an earthquake benign,
Too many stories.
Too little signs.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Random verses
Anxiety and anguish,
Shadows that languish,
Out of sight,
But still in mind.
Seek,and you will find.
* * *
A change so quick,
Like silver swims.
Thoughts cloud up.
Tears brim.
* * *
By another river brown.
Gushing forward.
Looking down.
Narrow,rickety bridge across.
A misthought step-
A loss!
Falling down..without fear.
The end of life-
Finally here!
***
A day of breath,
Shaken up,
When love knocks:
Endeth by death.
Woe and fear,
Linger on..
Tho' life's gone.
Feelings remain,
For heroes slain.
Another twist,
Thru' the mist.
A heart broken,
By words not spoken.
* * *
Unhibited,not alone.
By sanity,sworn.
To take life,
Into my hands.
Give unto them,
What I've divined.
In all the days,
Of life and breath,
To leave something worthy,
Before glorious death!
* * *
Shadows that languish,
Out of sight,
But still in mind.
Seek,and you will find.
* * *
A change so quick,
Like silver swims.
Thoughts cloud up.
Tears brim.
* * *
By another river brown.
Gushing forward.
Looking down.
Narrow,rickety bridge across.
A misthought step-
A loss!
Falling down..without fear.
The end of life-
Finally here!
***
A day of breath,
Shaken up,
When love knocks:
Endeth by death.
Woe and fear,
Linger on..
Tho' life's gone.
Feelings remain,
For heroes slain.
Another twist,
Thru' the mist.
A heart broken,
By words not spoken.
* * *
Unhibited,not alone.
By sanity,sworn.
To take life,
Into my hands.
Give unto them,
What I've divined.
In all the days,
Of life and breath,
To leave something worthy,
Before glorious death!
* * *
Things to tell..
After a while, you learn:
The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
That love doesn't mean learning and company doesn't mean security.
That kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
That one should accept defeat with our heads high and eyes open like an adult,
but heartbreaks are easier dealt with by the grief of a child.
To build all roads on today,because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
That it's wiser to plant your own garden and banish your own weeds instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
That it's only in the mind's eye that one can see rightly.
That life is NOT about living without problems,but about solving them.
The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
That love doesn't mean learning and company doesn't mean security.
That kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
That one should accept defeat with our heads high and eyes open like an adult,
but heartbreaks are easier dealt with by the grief of a child.
To build all roads on today,because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
That it's wiser to plant your own garden and banish your own weeds instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
That it's only in the mind's eye that one can see rightly.
That life is NOT about living without problems,but about solving them.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Chaos in my mind
Thought that we'd be there by now.Ha!..high hopes right??Its all such a shame isnt it?..Everythings so mixed up.I can't even make out what im feeling.Random emotion at random moments.Deliberate emotions..am i not supposed to feel that way?..so here i go..feeling it..or atleast pretending to...Too many divisions and im confused.All that previous hurt keeps haunting me.Has nothing changed?The problem is,i think, that I want it all.Certain things said in jest make so much sense.Somethings have been realised.Knowing that im being watched ,everything i do or say being recorded,especially now..when my mind is in complete chaos..and im acting!Yea...acting fine..and mostly happy.Quite a few times i really am.Happy, that is.But then i see those amzingly happy moments and im acting thru my tears..smiling,joking,laughing,blowing bubbles..Or other times like today...the facade is broken into and I cant take it any longer.Cause it hurts.The emotional scars being uncovered and rehashed.And you'll wonder where that much hatred comes from??I'm not okay with it.And asking you'll to stop is obviously not working.
Longing...wanting..needing..that which is unattainable.Even if it were,too much is at risk.Way too much!
Oh and then theres that unending..err..hesistancy?..insecurity?..shyness?..inconfidence?..apprehension?..self-conciousness..uncertainty.. that keeps me from saying what i want to..when i want to..how i want to.I guess im just disappointed with myself and the way im behaving.
Teesha and Tears go hand in hand!!..rather eye to eye?
Longing...wanting..needing..that which is unattainable.Even if it were,too much is at risk.Way too much!
Oh and then theres that unending..err..hesistancy?..insecurity?..shyness?..inconfidence?..apprehension?..self-conciousness..uncertainty.. that keeps me from saying what i want to..when i want to..how i want to.I guess im just disappointed with myself and the way im behaving.
Teesha and Tears go hand in hand!!..rather eye to eye?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)