Messed Mind

There's something on my mind,
I can't define
It's constant presence
Changing me,my ways
Thoughts forming a maze
That I'm trapped in
Another dead-end
Turn
Another bend
Longing,straining,fumbling..
For respite,some relief
What's left to believe?
Guilty as a thief
Lonely as an outcast
Not wanting company
Falling,falling,falling fast!
Into another dark abyss
What is it I miss?
My moods:like waves
A storm at sea!
Calm and solemn appearing to be
Turbulent currents below
Caught in the undertow..
Nowhere to go
Confront what?
I do not know
This is far from confusion
For I have no choices
I'm not insane
I hear no "voices"
Lost, so lost, in thought
But,I'm not thinking
I'm not drowning
Im sinking!
Into myself.

Suddenly,I find my life's divided into so many little fragments.all frought with their own problems.One is made right and all the rest start cracking.Those fragments may just be pieces of my heart...of me.One piece heals,another is broken,shattered. Yet others are changing in a way that only causes despair.I've been reduce to this.My mind goin through series after serioes of emotions.Mind,not heart.Tears flow in abundance.The smiles seem fake and plastered on.The power to distinguish between real and false is waning.

People,people,people!I don't know what to say,what to do,how to act,what to show,what to hide,what to believe anymore about and around them.I used to.Not anymore...

So many lies:assuring,encouraging,pleasing,lulling into a false sense of security,enveloping the truth like insulation.

Like airbags.Sure,they save your skull from cracking against the dashboard.But,they can also suffocate you.Two sides to every coin..to every face now.And your stuck.Your air supply blocked.Screaming for oxygen.

Screaming for truth.

Wanting the cracked skull and the sweet numbness that follows.