Random verses

Anxiety and anguish,
Shadows that languish,
Out of sight,
But still in mind.
Seek,and you will find.

* * *

A change so quick,
Like silver swims.
Thoughts cloud up.
Tears brim.

* * *
By another river brown.
Gushing forward.
Looking down.
Narrow,rickety bridge across.
A misthought step-
A loss!
Falling down..without fear.
The end of life-
Finally here!

***

A day of breath,
Shaken up,
When love knocks:
Endeth by death.
Woe and fear,
Linger on..
Tho' life's gone.
Feelings remain,
For heroes slain.
Another twist,
Thru' the mist.
A heart broken,
By words not spoken.

* * *

Unhibited,not alone.
By sanity,sworn.
To take life,
Into my hands.
Give unto them,
What I've divined.
In all the days,
Of life and breath,
To leave something worthy,
Before glorious death!

* * *

Things to tell..

After a while, you learn:

The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

That love doesn't mean learning and company doesn't mean security.

That kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.

That one should accept defeat with our heads high and eyes open like an adult,
but heartbreaks are easier dealt with by the grief of a child.

To build all roads on today,because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

That it's wiser to plant your own garden and banish your own weeds instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

That it's only in the mind's eye that one can see rightly.

That life is NOT about living without problems,but about solving them.

Chaos in my mind

Thought that we'd be there by now.Ha!..high hopes right??Its all such a shame isnt it?..Everythings so mixed up.I can't even make out what im feeling.Random emotion at random moments.Deliberate emotions..am i not supposed to feel that way?..so here i go..feeling it..or atleast pretending to...Too many divisions and im confused.All that previous hurt keeps haunting me.Has nothing changed?The problem is,i think, that I want it all.Certain things said in jest make so much sense.Somethings have been realised.Knowing that im being watched ,everything i do or say being recorded,especially now..when my mind is in complete chaos..and im acting!Yea...acting fine..and mostly happy.Quite a few times i really am.Happy, that is.But then i see those amzingly happy moments and im acting thru my tears..smiling,joking,laughing,blowing bubbles..Or other times like today...the facade is broken into and I cant take it any longer.Cause it hurts.The emotional scars being uncovered and rehashed.And you'll wonder where that much hatred comes from??I'm not okay with it.And asking you'll to stop is obviously not working.

Longing...wanting..needing..that which is unattainable.Even if it were,too much is at risk.Way too much!
Oh and then theres that unending..err..hesistancy?..insecurity?..shyness?..inconfidence?..apprehension?..self-conciousness..uncertainty.. that keeps me from saying what i want to..when i want to..how i want to.I guess im just disappointed with myself and the way im behaving.

Teesha and Tears go hand in hand!!..rather eye to eye?